I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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