i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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