some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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