My first STD was from a foam party
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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