I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
