She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
