call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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