I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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