I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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