Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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