I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
