went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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