Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
