I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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