well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
