I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
