I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
