Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
