Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
