You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
