Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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