He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
