he shaved USA in his pubs
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
