ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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