Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
