At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
