Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
