it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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