Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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