Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
