i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
