eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
