Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
