I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
