last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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