I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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