I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
