ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
