Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
