i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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