This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
