If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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