my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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