You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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