She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
