he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
