there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
