reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
