Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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