walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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