you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
