it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
